I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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