If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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