do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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