Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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