Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
