we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
