i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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