So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
