We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
