So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
