Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
