how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
