does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
