i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
