That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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