glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
