i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
