How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize