Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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