You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
