I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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