i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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