She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
