That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
