Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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