I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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