sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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