You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
