Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
