My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
