my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I party with great urgency now.
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