I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
