i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
