The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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