we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
