He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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