I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
