the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Michael Bay diarrhea
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
