Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
