Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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