Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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