my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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