i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
