I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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