Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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