she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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