if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
