I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
