I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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