I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
