i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
