she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
