so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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