here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
