so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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