Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
