I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
