This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
