dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
