I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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