he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
