I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize